Well today was one of the more unique days I have had in a while. The whole family, besides baby girl who sleeps like a rock, had a rough night of sleep between, my husband's nightmares, and my son who gracefully rolled in a cactus yesterday etc, etc. This morning I didn't really get a choice, my husband insisted that after about 3 hours of sleep I needed to get up because he was feeling crappy (more like crabby) after his nightmares last night. SO I reluctantly agreed and peeled myself out of bed. I get upstairs to the family room and chaos is spinning around my hubby and he is sitting there just sort of zoned out. I know that where he is at in his head isn't all that great (esp. when he zones out) but damn I would love to be able to go anywhere but home some days when my children have turned the house in to the local zoo.
Anyway, he finally leaves for class and my son looks at me and asks. Mommy will daddy ever be happy again? At this point, my heart just broke. I love them all so much and now that he is getting more and more aware as a 3 yr old little boy does, he is starting to ask some really hard questions. All I could say is "Daddy shows happy different than you and I because Daddy was an Army man who saw lots of scary stuff. SO sometimes daddy doesn't know how to show he is happy." Of course my son looked at me like "mom you are STONED" but he nodded and trotted off to play.
Watching him play reminds me of how simple life was.....ONCE upon a midnight icky...I just hope what is going on with my husband doesn't destroy that simplicity of childhood that he and his sister still have. I don't think that it will because my wonderful husband loves, when his head space is okay, playing like one of the kids out in the yard. I am very blessed but when days like today happen I have to find the silver lining in the whole damn thing or it will all go to hell and I'll be driving the bus.
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