And life goes on....

Sigh,
So yesterday he told me that I would be allowed to sleep in a little just to catch up on what little sleep I have been getting lately.  All was good until he woke me up telling me that even after taking his anxiety medication he was still loosing his cool and couldn't stop it.  So I got up and started my day.  He decided to lie down for a bit and see if he could get to feeling a bit more in control.  When he got up almost 4 hours later he seemed to be doing a bit better.  As the day turned to evening, his control seemed to be waning again.  I made the mistake of asking, "Why are you angry now?" At which point I got accused of always saying he is angry and not understanding that he is not.(mind you, I was being yelled at)  I simply just couldn't hold on any longer, I began crying almost uncontrollably, finding myself breaking under the pressure of holding my family together.  NO, I was/am not at a giving up point, but damn there are some days where I feel like it doesn't matter whether I give up or not, I am already 6ft under and they are throwing the dirt on top w/out checking my pulse.
After some time, he was able to calm to a point where I felt comfortable with everything (sort of) again and we went to bed.  As much as I love him and I don't want him to leave...I am looking forward to the 2 month program and its probable ability to provide him with ways to cope on days like yesterday.  I don't know how I am going to handle life, but that is part of being a "Soldier's Wife" right?  It may sound stupid, but I will miss that warm body that snores so loud, but all I have to do is flick his nose and he stops.  I will miss waking up and looking at him and knowing another day has begun with the man that I love.  I DON'T WANT him to go...but I know it is for the "best".  There are days' where I truly believe that the universe is out to break every part of me down just to see how much it will take...and DAMN IT I refuse to give up, I love him and our family way too freaking much.  But I am just rambling more than usual...I am going to go for now....